Unspeakable Horror!

#20

Vampire Bride from Beneath the Lake 

This creepy title from the seventies is finally out on DVD.  I encountered this freaky movie on cable television one afternoon -- I had no idea what was coming, and the subtle and atmospheric horror storytelling completely amazed me.  This film participates in the wonderful tradition of blurring the line between sanity and the supernatural.  This title is available now.  Despite the ridiculous title, this film is dreamy and spellbinding -- brilliant horror storytelling.   

#19

Ultimate Doppelganger 

Another seventies classic recently released on DVD.  I was turned on to this story by Greg Herren's introduction to Shadows of the Night.  This film is the ultimate double/doppelganger movie.  This film does the doppelganger better than Poe!  Don't read any reviews or blurbs on the box!  Consider yourself warned...

#18

Creepy Halloween Carnival 

Disney and Bradbury get together and make a horror masterpiece.  A wonderful creepy carnival and a super-sinister Jonathan Pryce!  This film captures the macabre appeal of the Halloween season in combination with a coming-of-age story.     

#17

Mad Scientist Gore-Fest

In the tradition of the mad scientist, this story offers the most horrifying scientific experimentation gone wrong in the history of the horror film.  Forget Frankenstein.  Forget Vincent Price.  This is Cronenberg's horror masterpiece.  Includes the most disgusting transmogrification (my favorite horror-geek word) ever!  And Jeff Goldblum is brilliant.     

#16

Grim Reaper Meets Charles Starkweather

Peter Jackson's horror masterpiece.  Astonishing special effects and, despite some goofy minor characters (OK, so I do find them endearing), it contains a powerful-scary plot!  Features a great performance by Michael J. Fox (my favorite teen heart-throb).   

#15

The Headless Horseman Rocks! 

As a child, nothing captured Halloween more than the story of the Headless Horseman -- mostly my conception of this story comes from the short Disney film (of course, the cultural iconography and mythology of this Halloween classic has almost nothing to do with the original Washington Irving story!).  Tim Burton's film has a complete understanding of this, so it ignores the original story altogether (I love it) and crafts an original Headless Horseman story that totally embodies (or disembodies) what makes Sleepy Hollow the ultimate all-american Halloween scare-fest. 

#14

Undead!  Undead!  Bela is Undead! 

This is the hot sexy Bela Lugosi doing what he does best.  Re-rent this ultimate iconic vampire classic, but make sure you get the DVD that contains the new score by Philip Glass and performed by the Kronos Quartet.  This amazing disconcerting music completely transforms the film -- totally magnifying the creepiness and beauty of this Todd Browning masterpiece.   

#13

It's Right Outside the Door!

This film is bloody brilliant.  The ultimate demonstration of how the monster-behind-the-door creates psychological terror.  Notice the awesome camera work.  In the American Gothic tradition, this film (based on the Shirley Jackson novel) bridges Poe's House of Usher and King's Overlook Hotel.  Hill House is a magnificent creation in this film.  Watch as Nell and Theo fall to pieces (and fall into each other's arms!), but don't look for any happy endings for this implicit lesbian love affair -- Hill House (or is it Nell's mother -- or even Nell herself?) doesn't like happy endings. 

#12

Boy Ghost Out for Revenge

At the end of the Spanish Civil War, young Carlos must go to a creepy, gothic orphanage where he encounters a boy ghost and a mystery with violent consequences.   

#11

Bite Me Now, Kiefer!

The vampire masterpiece from gay director Joel Schumacher.  Mullet be damned -- Kiefer Sutherland is the sexiest and scariest vampire in film history!  The Lost Boys (note the Peter Pan subtext) perfectly captures the balance of sexy, funny, and scary.  There is definitley something queer going on here.   

#10

Abandoned Mental Institution & the Horror of Frontal Lobotomy 

This must be the scariest location shoot in the history of film.  The film takes place inside a real abandoned mental institution where they pioneered the frontal lobotomy.  The setting itself is enough to give you the creeps -- but it doesn't stop there.   

#9

Werewolves & Tense Male Bonding

This is a werewolf masterpiece.  Out in the Scottish wilderness, soldiers on a training mission (lots of great male bonding here) encounter a pack of werewolves -- interesting exploration of wolfishness and violence on both sides of this conflict.  Brilliant horror storytelling and suspension of disbelief -- and it doesn't forget to dish out the gore.   

#8

Scariest Zombie Masterpiece Ever 

Sorry George Romero, this is the scariest zombie movie ever.  And they run fast. 

#7

The Snot Droplet Works!

This is a brilliant horror film on a number of levels: the way it was filmed, the backdrop of the mythology, and the burden it places on the audience's imagination.  If you're a willing participant for this film, it will create nightmarish magic, but you have to bring your imagination -- all of the horror happens offscreen.  Wonderful, improv, method-acting performances.  Make sure to get the DVD that contains the documentary about the Blair Witch mythology.

If you get motion sick, this one's not for you.  Lots of shaky camera stuff -- it's all part of the mis-en-scene.   

#6

When the Severed Head Sprouts Legs, You Know You're in Big Trouble!

For my money, this is the greatest John Carpenter film.  This film has single-handedly ruined the Antarctica tourist industry!  Seriously, this film is terrifying, and it delivers the gore!  If only they killed that dog at the beginning of the movie.  The Thing gets me every time.  I know what's coming and it still completely freaks me out.  Lots of flinching in this movie!  Don't fall for that Wilford Brimley-oatmeal-grandfather routine. 

#5

Make Sure to Take Notes on the Red Motif for Film Class

That's right -- red is always associated with the supernatural.  Haley Joel Osment's performance is completely brilliant, and Bruce Willis is completely dreamy.  This film is a brilliant example of horror storytelling -- a true masterpiece.  One of the greatest ghost stories ever told.    

#4

Bloody Mary Meets VHS Tape Chain-Letter

Naomi Watts gives a brilliant performance as a reporter who uncovers a mysterious VHS tape.  This movie resounds with archetypal terrors, invoking the peculiar horror of various urban legends.  I don't agree with the Ringu purists who say the Japanese version is better -- I think the higher production value of the American version increases the eeriness and horror.   

#3

Thanks for the Snow Kat, Mr. Halloran! 

I have to weigh in on the book vs. film controversy: the labyrinth kicks the topiary animals' asses in the scary department.

Redrum, Come and play with us Danny, Tony the Finger, Big Wheel on alternating patches of tile and carpet -- this is a masterpiece.   

#2

Get out of the Piano Room, Ray Milland! 

This super-elegant ghost story from the forties stars sexy Ray Milland (wow -- what a voice!).  You can't get this one on DVD, so check it out from your local independent video store that still has an awesome VHS collection.  You won't be disappointed.  It has mystery, glamour, chills, intrigue, a surprise ending (eat your heart out Sixth Sense), and a seriously haunted house on a cliff.   

#1

The Scariest-Fucking-Movie I've Ever Seen! 

That's right -- I know it's a controversial choice, but The Descent is without question the most horrifying and thrilling movie theater experience of my adult life.  You're going to have to wait for this one.  It comes out on DVD on Dec. 26, 2006.  Here are the main components: claustrophobic caverns, hot cave-spelunking chicks, and really really horrifying monsters!