Unspeakable Horror!

Here is the comic book script for "The Final Trial of Phineas Bluebeard," a title which was later changed to "Canus," the name of the cyborg dog in the comic.  This horror one-shot appears in the trade paperback anthology from the Vincent Price Presents series.  There are now copies (signed by me) available from McKenzie Books (also known as MKZ books):

Purchase a signed copy!

I really love this comic--Gio Timpano did a beautiful job on the artwork, accomplishing an excellent likeness of Vincent Price and doing a wonderful job on Phineas, giving the boy an almost Pinocchio-esque look, and the insane cyborg dog named Canus is awesome.  Also, Joel Robinson did brilliant work on the cover art and the intro art (pictured at the beginning of this entry).

In addition to the beautiful art, I really love this scary story because I think it channels some of my personal insecurities as a child--fear of my father's disapproval and feeling like there was something secretly wrong with me.  And the cyborg dog is a shadowy embodiment of my own boyhood dog--she was the total opposite of scary!  In a way, this story is like a very personal nightmare, and I hope you enjoy it. 

Of course, as the original title would indicate, the story is also an homage to the scariest fairy tale of all-time: Bluebeard!

Please read the comic book script below and purchase a copy of the anthology so you can see the final product!

The Final Trial of Phineas Bluebeard
by Chad Helder

I
A melancholy gothic mansion sits next to a dreadful tower at the edge of cliff.  The sky is stormy and full of lightning. Despite the old-world feeling of the buildings, both are adorned with high-tech communication devices on the roof: antennas and satellite dishes.  In front of the house, a strange futuristic vehicle, almost like a sci-fi hearse, is parked.

There is a solitary illuminated window on the ground floor of the mansion.

Two shadows process down a hallway.

II
Dr. Bluebeard holds the candelabra.

Dr. Bluebeard, the likeness of a middle-aged Vincent Price with a luxurious velvet jacket and a silk scarf around his neck, leads his thirteen-year-old son down a hallway.  Phineas is a terrified, scrawny, wide-eyed boy in an upper-class school uniform.  There are portraits of many bizarre Bluebeards hanging on the wall of the corridor.  These ancestors come from dark, infamous chapters of world history, some of them literally with blue beards. 

III
Dr. Bluebeard and Phineas stand before an open doorway.  The candelabra gives enough light to show a descending staircase inside the doorway.

DR. BLUEBEARD: You know how often I have warned you about what lives in the basement, my dear Phineas.

Little Phineas looks up at his towering father in the candlelight.

PHINEAS: Yes, father.  The cyborg dog that has gone mad. 

DR. BLUEBEARD:  Canus is his name.  And I have often told you about the trial that all male children in our family must face on their thirteenth birthday.

PHINEAS: Yes, father.

DR. BLUEBEARD: Today is that birthday.

Dr. Bluebeard extends the candelabra toward his son. 

IV

Little Phineas holds the gigantic candelabra, looking at it in awe and wonder, as if the candelabra represented the responsibility of the test ahead.

PHINEAS: What must I do, father?

DR. BLUEBEARD: Canus keeps a red ball with a bell inside.  The ball is precious to the dog.  Retrieve the ball, and you pass the test.

PHINEAS: But you always told me that Canus could take my hand off with one bite.

An image of Canus, the cyborg dog in his cage in the dungeon-like basement.  Canus is chained to the wall.  Canus is part flesh and part robot.  He is very old and dirty.  A lot of the dog's hair, once white and now dirty brown, has fallen away.  His metal parts are tinged with rust.  His eyes are like two white Christmas lights, and his jaws look like a rusty bear trap.  Next to Canus sits a shiny red ball. 

DR. BLUEBEARD: Retrieve the ball and you pass the test.

PHINEAS: How will I open the cage?

DR. BLUEBEARD: Here is the key.

Phineas takes the key from his father.

V
Phineas begins the descent down the staircase. 

Dr. Bluebeard stands in the doorway.

DR. BLUEBEARD: Canus knows a bad apple when he smells one, my dear Phineas.

Phineas, his face illuminated by candlelight, looks back toward his father.

PHINEAS: Am I a bad apple, father?

DR. BLUEBEARD: Come back with the red ball, Phineas, or do not come back at all.

VI
Phineas descends the staircase, and proceeds down a corridor of stone. 

PHINEAS: I'll show father.  I'm not afraid.

Canus, asleep on the floor of the dungeon.

Canus perks up, hears the approach of the boy, and begins to bark savagely, straining at the iron collar and chain attached to the wall.

PHINEAS: He won't really bite my hand off... he's probably a nice dog.

VII
Phineas stands at the bars of Canus' cage. 

PHINEAS: Look at it... it's hideous.

Inside, Canus strains at the iron collar.  He bares his iron teeth and barks at the timid boy.  The red ball is at his feet.

PHINEAS: It's just a test.  Father wants to know I'm not afraid.

Phineas puts the key inside the door to the cage.

Phineas steps inside the cage.

PHINEAS: But I am afraid.

VIII
With the candelabra placed on the ground, Phineas extends a hand toward Canus.

The savage jaws of Canus, his eyes lit with fury.

The tender hand of the boy, outstretched to the savage jaws.

The shiny black nose at the end of the metallic snout flares.  He smells the boy.

Canus' ears perk up.  He sticks out his tongue.

PHINEAS: You're a good old dog, aren't you Canus?

IX
Canus licks the boy's outstretched hand. 

PHINEAS: I knew you would never hurt me, dear Canus!

Phineas scratches Canus behind the ears. 

He unlocks the collar around the dog's neck. 

The dog licks his face.

PHINEAS: Strange... it seems like you've always been my dog.

Phineas picks up the red ball.

X
Canus leads Phineas up the stairs.  

Canus leads Phineas into a room. 

Inside the room, there is a banner reading: Happy 13th Birthday. 

Dr. Bluebeard wears a silly birthday hat.  His arms are outstretched.  There is a cake with burning candles.

DR. BLUEBEARD: You have passed the test, Phineas!

XI
Canus is happy, dancing around Phineas' feet. 

Dr. Bluebeard is overjoyed, and he embraces his son.

DR. BLUEBEARD: It is you.  It is really you.  You don't know how long I have waited for you to return to me.  Of course I knew that Canus would recognize the real you, my son Phineas.

Dr. Bluebeard scratches Canus' head. 

Phineas look very confused.

PHINEAS: What do you mean, father?

DR. BLUEBEARD: You must blow out your candles, Phineas.  There will be time for questions, later.

XII
Phineas looks up at his father, who towers above him

DR. BLUEBEARD: I hate to cut short the festivities, but I must go away on a trip.  I will leave you with Canus, who will protect you.  While I am gone, do not venture into the laboratory tower for any reason.  The key to the laboratory is around Canus' neck.  It is all that I ask of you!

The gigantic tower, monolithic and dreadful, sits next to the gothic house on the edge of a cliff.  The tower is so tall, it looks like it should fall over the edge into the chasm beneath.  At the top of the tower, a row of stained glass windows, illuminated from within, adorns the tower like a crown. 

The ornate key hanging from Canus' collar.

DR. BLUEBEARD (voiceover): Au revoir, my dear Phineas, and do not go into the laboratory tower, whatever you do. 

XII
Phineas and Canus ascend the winding staircase in the laboratory tower.  Phineas holds the candelabra.  The tower is made entirely of stone, and there are all the gothic trappings: spider webs galore, sinister rats with glowing red eyes, and gigantic bats hanging from beneath the stairs. 

XIV
At the top of the stairs, Phineas kneels before Canus, removing the gigantic key from the dog's collar. 

PHINEAS: Don't worry Canus, Father will never know that we were even here.  I must know what he meant about the real me, and I know the answer is here.  I won't leave a trace behind.

Phineas places the key inside the metallic door to the tower room. 

He turns the key and opens the door. 

XV
From the inside of the tower room, the door is ajar, Phineas peers in with Canus beneath him. 

Inside the tower room, lined with ornate stained glass, stands a row of brains in jars.  Each brain is connected to a bunch of electrodes.  The jars glow green and are filled with bubbles. 

In the weird green light, Phineas stares at the row of brains.  Each jar has a little placard and a little urn placed before it.  The placards read: Phineas I, Phineas II, Phineas III, etc.  The urns contain the ashes of the previous Phineas clones. 

XVI
All of the brains in the bubbling jars communicate a simultaneous telepathic message.

BRAINS: It's a trap, Phineas!  Run for your life.

Phineas clutches at his head.

PHINEAS: I can hear them in my brain!

Dr. Bluebeard stand in the doorway to the tower room, a look of immense grief on his face.  He clutches a gigantic ax that he uses to behead his sons who fail the final test. 

DR. BLUEBEARD: Oh, Phineas.  This was the true final test, and you have disobeyed me.  Now I must start the experiment all over again.

A look of terror on Phineas' face.

XVII
A black and white photo of the first Phineas, a smile on his face, standing next to Canus when he was a brand-new cyborg dog, just new from the cyborg factory.  All of his metal parts are shiny, and he has a lot more bushy white hair. 

Dr. Bluebeard gestures toward the photo on the wall while still clutching the ax. 

DR. BLUEBEARD: The first Phineas died of a brain fever, and I've cloned him again and again, trying to capture his pure soul.  Only Canus can recognize the true soul of my son, Phineas.  You passed the test of Canus, but you have failed the final test. 

Phineas cowers, wrapping his arms around Canus.  Canus bares his metallic teeth and growls in protection of the weeping boy.

XVIII
Dr. Bluebeard, a grief-stricken and resigned look on his face, stands in the doorway with the ax raised. 

DR. BLUEBEARD: You have failed the test, and now your brain must join the others for further scientific tests.  You must join your clone brothers in the jars.

Phineas backs into a corner of the room with stained glass on all sides.  The stained glass shows very simplistic renderings of the Bluebeard fairy tale.

Canus bares his teeth, growling. 

Dr. Bluebeard's face betrays a hint of confusion and fear at the growling beast.

DR. BLUEBEARD: Now back away, Canus. 

XIX
Canus leaps at the throat of Dr. Bluebeard to protect Phineas from the horrible ax.

Dr. Bluebeard blocks with his arm, and Canus fastens his metallic jaws on Dr. Bluebeard's arm.

DR. BLUEBEARD: Let go of me, Canus!  I command you!

Dr. Bluebeard tries to swing the ax at Canus, but misses. 

Phineas backs away from the struggle, hiding behind the row of brains. 

XX
As Dr. Bluebeard struggles with Canus, he backs up against the stained glass windows of his laboratory tower. 

Dr. Bluebeard and Canus crash through the stained glass and fall into the chasm beneath the laboratory tower.

XXI
Phineas backs away from the shattered stained-glass window. 

The row of brains in jars send Phineas another telepathic message.

BRAINS: Run Phineas!  Run far away!  Find a new mom and dad!  Find a new mom and dad for all of us!

Phineas runs down the winding staircase.

Phineas runs away from the horrible tower, never looking back.

XXII
Phineas, now dressed in shorts, a striped shirt, and striped socks pulled up to his knees, stands before a pet store window, pointing at a basket of brown and white puppies in a basket behind the glass.  His attractive and well-dressed foster parents look down in joy at Phineas' excitement.

Phineas holds one of the puppies as the little creature licks the side of his face.  Phineas turns his face away from the wet licks of the of the puppy as he smiles with joy.

Purchase a signed copy from MKZ books!